I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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