I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
