What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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