After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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