my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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