It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
