I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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