WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
