I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
