the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You're like the curious george of whores
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
