i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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