return my video game
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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