Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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