:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
