**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
COCAINE IS GR8
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
