I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
