i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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