Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
