im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
