wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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