I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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