Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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