I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
