I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
