Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he was CRYING into my vagina
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
