I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
