3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
