Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
