Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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