porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
