I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
