she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
