i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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