this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
