Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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