looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
