Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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