belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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