then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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