these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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