he thought i was a dude.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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