after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
