somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
