I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
