I bet he comes in French.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
