There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
