So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
