Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
