Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
