Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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