I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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