Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Screwed.edu
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
