conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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