I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
