he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
