The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
